Good stress? Yes it exists!

We have all always heard phrases like “Don’t stress”, “Don’t worry”, “Why are you getting tensed”, “Stress isn’t good for health”. Stress has been badmouthed thanks to new “surveys” and psychological studies about the stress and it’s raising levels. But what if we told you a certain amount of stress is not only good, is almost mandatory to be successful. A good amount of stress at the right time and place could steer you away from high stress situations.

Remember when you were given projects with deadlines and enough time to complete them but did them only when you were under “stress” a day before the submission. Well, now let’s play that out in a larger scenario. If you are working at a certain position and are content with absolutely NO STRESS, would you aim for higher? Would you strive to do better? But if you began to stress about not being promoted and work towards the same, don’t you think the result would be different?

Low-stress could be a great motivator in various situations in life. Even when it comes to parents pushing kids to get over a fear or to accomplish something, subjecting them to low-stress is important. Of course, the intensity varies from person to person. And very low or very high stress either could cause fallout.

Quoting from the article (the article this blog is based on; link given below) –

“The tolerance and appetite for stress vary, too, and one size does not fit all. At work, it means plotting individual team members on the stress curve, so you can decide who needs more challenge and who is teetering on the edge of a breakdown. This is crucial because attrition happens at both ends of the stress curve, and deep engagement comes from more challenge, not less. “

If there are signs to indicate when you are too stressed, then there are also signs to indicate when you have too little stress in your life. Procrastination, lethargy and boredom are certain indicators of too little stress. And when these start to show up, maybe it’s time to change the notion of “stress is always bad” and understand the concept of stress with an added perspective.

Interestingly, stress could bring out the best in us by helping us step out of being “average”. For some being average comes with the benefit of no stress, but again, where will that take us in the future? Very rarely do you see people with no stress climbing the ladder of success swiftly. Moreover stress need not always mean hustling from place to place, worrying about things all day, all night or getting tensed about every little. It’s just about a little motivating stress that helps you push yourself one step forward, gain more out of life and avoid higher stress later.

While it’s important to be susceptible to good stress, let’s also not wander blindly into the stress zone without realizing when it crosses from low-stress to high-stress. A tricky game, yes, but who doesn’t love games?

This blog is based on the article –https://www.deccanherald.com/living/stress-away-happiness-693056.html

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Parenting vs. Over-parenting

Like parenting wasn’t complicated enough, now we have another term to think about – over-parenting. When we are still struggling to find our way through parenting, why are we complicating things further by trying to over-parent? Parenting itself comes with its share of worry towards children and to add to that, over-parenting exaggerates that anxiety. While trying to do so much for the children parents don’t realize that they are turning their children into weaker children than into stronger adults.

What exactly is the difference?

Parenting has you following up with your children’s homework and checking whether it’s done. Over -parenting is you doing it for them so they don’t get into trouble.

Parenting is you reminding them to carry everything important and leaving it at that; over-parenting is you running after them with their forgotten items to save them from the consequence.

Parenting is you teaching them how to fight their way through – with other kids and adults. Over-parenting is you fighting for them.

Now let’s not be mistaken. One is not terming the former right and latter wrong; or vice versa. However, parents must be aware that when they indulge in over-parenting, they are satisfying their parental instincts and solving their child’s problems temporarily but are only setting higher expectations for the future and lowering the child’s ability to fight for themselves.

Furthermore, it’s interesting to notice how parents often refer to their kids’ activities as their own too. Or kids’ exams as their own exams. “Yeah, WE are busy with exams this week” or “WE are so stressed about the project” “ WE are working on the job interview”

To be involved in all the kids’ activities is one thing but to be a part of that and include yourself in those activities is taking a little too far.

The ultimate goal of Parenting is EMPOWERMENT and the above mentioned examples are unhelpful in raising empowered children.

 

At the point, it’s also important to stress on the need for parents to find their own hobbies. This helps the children do their work on their own and also helps parents retain individuality which will eventually help them get through the “empty nest” phase.

There are people who give up everything when their kids have exams and literally stay up with them all night. How about helping the child cope with exams on their own? If the child isn’t able to do it now at this age, how will he face bigger challenges at a later age?

When parents get down to helping the child keep every step forward, they feel they are being great, involved parents. But they are forgetting that a time will come when the child has to walk off on his own, and the fact that he/she isn’t prepared for the same will make everything so much harder. 

So while you are striving to do everything as parents to make life easy for your child, don’t forget that if they don’t learn how to face difficulties and overcome them, they will be left feeling helpless at a later stage. Parenting is good enough. Let’s stop at that. Let’s not go into the zone of over-parenting. If the kids need a break from the parents, it’s even the parents who need a breather. Let the kids figure it out. Just like how you all did when you were kids. It’s not just essential it’s also fun for them. To look back at their own mistakes; laugh at them and learn from the same.

 This blog is based on the article –

 https://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2018/07/24/628042168/the-over-parenting-crisis-in-school-and-at-home