Why say “yes”, when you want to say “no”?

People pleasing, practiced by many in our society, may not be the most pleasing act after all! What seems to be a nice and noble act of saying yes and going out of the way to please people, might in turn be harming the people pleaser! In fact, Psychologists have also linked weight management and health related issues to the same.

So where does the need to please people come from? It perhaps could be traced back to a fear of rejection and a fear of failure. Fear that I might make the person unhappy if I say no and the person might leave me or fear that by saying no, I am causing disappointment and hence might be labelled as a failure!  Fear of rejection could develop if one has witnessed conditional love or has been abandoned by an important person and on the other hand, fear of failure could arise from early experiences of failure or even in children who grew up with critical parents.

Identifying the cause could be the first step towards changing the people pleasing attitude. One might be dubious about where to draw the line between being appropriately nice and being way too nice. And the only way to understand that difference is to analyse if you are putting others’ needs above your own. If so, then maybe it’s time to say no! Saying no to others at times is in fact you saying no to anxiety, depression and self neglect in the long run!

The initial struggle of saying no could prevent others from taking advantage of you for years after that.

A difference of one word could bring a whole lot of difference to your life. The choice is always yours!

The above blog is based on the following article :

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shrink/201210/are-you-people-pleaser

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