Parenting: a perpetual culture

A recent study in Netherlands revealed that children are holistically happy and constantly top well- being surveys. This in spite of having working parents!

What are they doing differently? How can they consistently be happy? There are number of child friendly plan being approved by the government which is creating a healthy and encouraging environment for nurturing children.

A happy home creates a nurturing environment and this environment is essential for holistic development. Parents being home and spending quality time or having family dinners are not paramount but necessary for a child. But added to this is the nature of communication that happens around a child. Pleasant conversations, open communication and strong and firm relationships between parents strengthens the personality of children. So, what can be done differently to ensure all round development of our children? Below are a few tips and tricks to begin your journey:

  • Ensure to have one meal as a family (PS; without smartphones, tabs,ipods etc)
  • Strike a conversation with your child abouteveryday happenings. This is will give you information about his/her interests/hobbies.
  • Avoid arguing/fighting in front of your children. This may inculcate poor judgement in commitment/trust in your child.
  • Love and affection are thestepping stone of forming your child’s personality. Make sure they see their ideal future self in you.
  • Make your child responsible at anappropriate age by entrusting small but significant chores. This develops a sense of ownership among
  • For a child to view his/her parents as a team, work as one. Mother and fatherboth should be seen sharing responsibility of parenting. The child should be carrying significant traits from both mother and father.

These are insight only, into better parenting. But, it does not invalidate your own conditioning! Each generation is receiving new and better information about parenting and the skill it requires to raise a happy child. The information is just being directed at the apt audience!

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Criticism in relationships!

What criticism leads to? Why does one criticize? What dynamics are observed in a relationship with one partner being critical?

Today`s blog tries to unfold these questions to see the bigger picture! An individual is critical due to one of the factors:

  • S/he is critical as a conscious choice. (often used for self defense).
  • S/he has been conditioned about being critical as a part of personality.

There have been many research and studies conducted in this area: most prominent being by Dr. John and Julie Gottman. The husband and wife team came with “four horsemen” (a phase wise diagnosis vexing a relationship). Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and stonewalling.

Analysing the critical behavior:

An individual tends to be critical probably due one of the below:

  • Self-defense (avoiding facing the real problem)
  • Total control is the only way to attain perfectionism.
  • Things have always happened according to you and hence your way is the only way.
  • Being critical validates your thought process.
  • By being critical you are focusing on someone else which negates your own issues.
  • By being critical you can demand attention.
  • You have been in a critical environment since childhood.

Analyzing critical thoughts:

An individual tends to think about the below when being critical:

  • Confidence (things are going according to them)
  • Sense on power (everyone around you is listening to you and are probably scared too)
  • Perfectionist (others are always wrong)
  • Being superior than others.
  • Blind belief in conditioning.

Analyzing critical emotions:

A critical individual may have more than one of the below emotions:

  • Aversion
  • Hesitant
  • Remorseful
  • Ashamed
  • Ignored
  • Victimized
  • Powerlessness
  • Vulnerable
  • Isolated
  • Inferior etc

The emotions of a critical individual may vary and may also include more but the above listed ones are some of the emotions.

Various therapies have been designed for this specific purpose of dealing with criticism. It is advisable in cases of a partner being critical to reflect and observe. By reflecting into one’s own life, the partner will benefit by temporarily providing relief by being non-critical and using the same time to reflect upon one’s life events. This initial step provides a much-needed break to both partners. Succeeding the reflection phase, the partner must introspect the relationship from the beginning to decide upon a point where criticism began. The work of a therapist becomes tricky from this point on as everything depends on the readiness of the partner to change.

Therapeutic interventions bring about changes in the overall life of an individual. A third person acting like an arbitrator negates the bias issue among partners.

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Education v/s Technology

Technological advancement has changed the facet of communication! Being “online”, is the need of the hour. Facebook profiles, Instagram updates, LinkedIn posts, twitter tweets are probably the only connect to human emotions.

 A whole new industry thrives on this social media frenzy and has identified it as the most influential medium that will dictate the purchase patterns of customers. Hence there is a steady increase in social media presence of many sectors; be it pharmaceutical, retail or real estate. With an effect so profound, there is no doubt about its influence on the younger generation. They not only understand the lingo but are also better at operating the various features it offers.

 This wave of technology has also enabled the younger generation in learning: through experiencing. Any concept can nowadays be learnt through audio and video clips thus keeping in touch with life like teachings. A new study conducted revealed that there is a demand for adopting this technology at schools to better the learning. Online classes, video streaming have furthered this requisition. Is this the big picture?

 Although the effect of technology cannot be debated so is the affect of technology! Internet is both: a boon and a bane. Limiting internet to learning is unrealistic, are we ready for the realistic scenario? Can we turn a blind eye to the internet savvy and monger generation? Can authority be enforced on the “Do’s” and “Don’ts” when it comes to internet/technology?

 Has the decision to avoid internet in school come as a blessing? We can utilize this to the benefit of the children and introduce them to outdoor activity and curiosity. Being curious will lead to better and real life learning. Family togetherness can be sought for learning. Bonding and self-care can be instilled among younger generation with time. Limiting the usage of internet will open the doors to a whole new and realistic world.

 Maybe it is time to remove the tech from technology and create an analogy with loved ones for a change!


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